I miss you, even though I never actually got to meet you. I wanted everything to be perfect for you. Your room was going to be so pretty for you. There was so much I wanted to teach you, and so many experiences I was looking forward to having with you. Now, I'll never see your sweet smile or watch you grow and laugh and play. I'll never even know the feeling of you kicking inside me, and it doesn't seem fair.
I try to imagine you in heaven and I wonder what you are doing. I imagine that you love to run through the flowers and play in the dirt, playing tag with the other holy innocents. I bet you have lots of friends.
Do you pray for us? Do you hear me when I talk to you? Do you even know who I am? Did you feel the love we had for you, even before you were born? So many questions that I will not have answers to in the life. Why did you have to go so soon, before your life had really even begun?
Perhaps your death was necessary for our salvation. Perhaps, through your death, we will grow closer to Jesus in ways that wouldn't have happened otherwise. I thought about how your death will allow (God willing) another little soul to be born into our family, one who won't have otherwise existed.
I imagine God giving you a choice: that you could stay here and be born and have a full life on earth but if you went with Him to heaven now, to live forever in eternity, a new soul will come into existence. a brother or sister who will live a life here and then eventually join you in heaven, and that through your life, your family members would grow closer to God, so that we would all end up together in heaven. I imagine that given that choice, you said, "Yes."
I know that you probably didn't have a choice in this. Your death occurred by chance, because we live in a fallen world that is full of pain and suffering, but I also know that God can bring good from every evil, even the death of our loved ones. I look forward to realizing some of the good that he will bring from our loss.
My greatest responsibility as a mother in this life is to raise my children in such a way as to lead them to the Father so that they will spend their eternal life in Heaven. You have reached that destination and for that I can be thankful.