I married a wonderful guy who loves me completely and is totally supportive of my staying-at-home with our beautiful children who are the absolute joys of my life.
Most of the time I feel fulfilled, confident and happy in my role as wife and mommy, but not always.
Sometimes I resent having to pick up after my husband for the zillionth time--could you please, just put your clothes in the hamper??--or get bored in the redundancy of my household chores--folding the same laundry, washing the same dishes, picking up the same toys day after day, after endless day. Some days I feel like a complete failure-- the house is a wreck, the dog had another accident and we didn't make it story time at the library again this week.
The worst days, my worst days, I wonder if I am really benefiting my family at all by staying home. If I were working outside the home, we would be in a larger house, have nicer things, take more family vacations. My children (as my working friends say) would benefit by and love being with other children all day and I would be contributing to society like I "should" be, instead of filling my days with endless chores and whining. Maybe I would be more fulfilled if I had a "real" job.
Then, I hear the quiet spirit of God, gently reminding me that these are lies from the enemy.
"How could a larger home, new cars and expensive vacations be more beneficial to your family than your devoting your time to their care and well-being?" My children do not need more toys, they need a mother who has the time and energy to invest into their little lives more than a few hours a day.
"When in human history have infants and toddlers spent the majority of their day away from their parents? That was not my design."
My children don't need a day care worker, they need their mother.
"You are contributing to society, in a very important way. You are raising the next generation and no job is more important than ensuring that those children will be godly, responsible citizens who will eventually join the saints in heaven."
My day are filled with love, with training and molding the hearts, minds and spirits of my children. Those endless chores? They ensure that our home is a haven for my husband and children--and of course myself! My staying at home and caring for all of the family needs takes that burden off my husband's shoulders and he is able to work harder at providing for our family's financial needs. My children are smarter, more loving and more faithful because I have the time and energy to teach and mold them.
Of course I want more. I want to feel connected to the outside world and I find ways to do that. I volunteer when I can; I write this blog, but those things take a backseat to my "real" job of caring for my family. And that really is fulfilling.